This week’s article is based on a true-life story but for the sake of anonymity we will call our lady Shade.
youngest of them all. Shade’s mum was a stay-at-home wife who had resigned her job at her husband’s insistence (he was a jealous man who although he loved his wife and trusted her, could not bear to let her out of his sight, especially when she had to go out of the house. Can we really blame him? She was and is still a beautiful woman).
The property owner of the rented apartment soon came calling for the house rent; months upon months of unpaid bills, and before long, Shade’s family became the topic of gossip, open insults, ridicule and abuse in their neighbourhood. Shade watched as her parents’ love turned
starvation and outright poverty in her home. ‘It was an ugly experience, and I am trying to say it as mildly as I can, also, I do not wish anyone to link me to this article. Can I trust you to keep my identity a secret when you write’ she says to me.
evacuated them (sent them packing) from their home of ten years, and soon afterwards, Shade’s parents got maritally separated. Shade cried herself to sleep on most
troubled, ignored / abandoned to her own devices (ever since her parents’ fights, no one cared anymore, nor did the two
children from all the hate and negativity).
Fast forward to nine years later: Shade is 21, lives with her mother, things are a little better financially, she goes to Church more frequently too, but there is a scar and a pain in her heart that she is unable to get past. A young man falls in love with her (let us call him Ike). Ike had known Shade for some time now, knew some of the hardships
strength and cheerfulness in spite of all that she had endured. Ike intends to marry Shade. He proposes within reasonable time. Shade laughs wondering, ‘Why will any man want to marry me or make me the mother of his children’.
love and marriage had convinced her that she was better off a single mother to a rich man who could afford to comfortably cater for her and their child’s needs without the ‘stress’ of marriage. These sorts of men were the ones she dated and sometimes, she took the proceeds / money home to try help her family out financially.
Finally, she accepts to marry Ike but along the way, premarital sex (fornication) was introduced into their courtship. Things ended badly between Shade and Ike and they soon went their separate ways (Ike is now married with a child). Shade was left to pick the pieces of her life, as she was badly scarred from wrong relationships, and
issues, money problems and a family that somewhat, still depended on her for money. She became angry at life until one day, a friend invited her to her Church and there, as the choir sang she bitterly wept.
Recounting that day she said to me, “Yvonne, I was crying so hard internally; I felt like ‘God, why did I go through all this mess? I know you brought me here, please, help me JESUS, I am hurting all over.’” Here, I wiped the tears from her eyes and mine and wrapped my arms around her in an embrace. Funnily enough, Shade was smiling outwardly while the pain raged internally at that Church service. God saw her heart and heard her prayer (may The Lord help us be discerning of people’s pain and enable us help them to His Glory in Jesus name, Amen).
Years go by and Shade is in her mid-twenties although single (with a good brother who loves and hopes to win her for marriage). God’s grace has empowered her to forgive
loving the Lord, as her wedding approaches. She is no longer troubled / pressured, or bitter and is doing really well in her career path and personal life. She hopes this encourages someone out there to hold unto God, to believe in His healing power, love, mercy and grace and to never even consider suicide as an option.
Yvonne’s Comment: This story is a true-life situation and if we carry out a survey, we should expect to find some other people with such touching life experiences. This is a young woman whose family should have loved, protected and provided for.
Dear Married People: Please, as much as God enables you to, do not quarrel, argue, fight, or call each other nasty names to the hearing of your kids. I understand that marriage is a journey; there are lots of ups and downs but you have to realize that some of your actions will either make or mar your children for years, if not for life. Please, be very cautious and when things are too heated to be cautious. Try to send your kids out of the house, as you take deep calming breaths (while forcing yourself to pray for calmness and wisdom) before you have that talk.
Husbands and Fathers:
provide for his family, yet, hard times may come. That is why it is not wise for a man to disallow his wife from working. If you do not want her to work, at least, set up a business that generates money for her. This could have helped Shade’s family when her father lost his job and could not get another for up to two years. This could have prevented the mother from borrowing all over the neighbourhood, just to feed her family. This would have limited some of the fights and ugliness and perhaps
experiences of life.
Dear Wives and Mothers: Always have a work of hands, even if it is petty trading; God blesses honest work. Also, please do not ask for, or collect money or gifts from your children, well aware that they have no liable source of income (they are not working), and you do not know how they came about the gifts or money. It is your duty to politely, but firmly ask your child/ children how and where they got the money or gifts. When the source is wrong and they compromised to receive such gifts/money, insist that they take it back, or stay out till they do!
Dear Single Ladies: He says he wants to marry you; he has not yet, so
marriage bed is undefiled/ no sex before marriage! End of discussion.
mostly for your good: The man in Shade’s story is happily married with a child, whilst Shade is just about to marry, after four years of waiting. What does this tell you? Yes, a man moves on fast, sometimes even faster than women. You should not be the one he sampled sexually/ fornicated with. Stop trying to seduce him too! Let him love you enough to wait until you marry him and then, you can give him to his heart’s content. In marriage, sex is honourable.
Men: We know that you
‘moved’ by sight but you need to learn like The Bible/Paul says, to put your body under/ discipline yourself and walk away! Must you do the deed now? Waiting righteously has not killed anybody, so it will not kill you! The Bible also says that if you know that the heat of sexual abstinence has become unbearable and you are ready for marriage, then, go and marry!
It is wickedness to love and lead a lady on, fornicate with her and toss her aside, moving on to the next lady and marrying.
touch her before marriage. Do not ever be alone in a place that you know sin will creep in (so you do not blame the devil afterwards). If the devil did it, it is because you let/ allowed it/ you were weak. Please, man up and control things by ensuring you two are not alone, for too long, or where sexual sin can come in.
Also remember, you are the head, you need to be in control of your own body before you can actually lead your intending wife and future children. When you do introduce premarital sex, something in you makes you resent her and before you know it, you will leave her, (the lady may equally leave you after fornication). In addition: It is not okay to sexually sample a lady, not want her
planning your wedding then you go and apologize/ beg/kneel/ prostrate/ask others to do it on your behalf, to the lady
informing her that you are getting married. This may clear your conscience but you left a scar that time cannot heal, only God, can!
ALMIGHTY who never left Shade, who reached out to her in her darkest hour, heard her, answered her prayers and turned her life completely around. She is like them that dream dreams/ her life is a complete testimony/ a happy and successful one at that). May that same Jehovah hear you, save you and transform your lives into marvellous testimonies in Jesus name, amen!
If you have made a choice to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and
prayer aloud with all sincerity, and mean it in your heart:
‘Almighty God, I come to you today. I confess that I am a sinner, and I cannot save myself. I believe that Jesus Christ came to this world, he died on the cross for my sins, and rose again triumphant on the third day. Right now I repent of my sins, and ask Jesus Christ to come into my life to be my Lord and personal Saviour. I believe according to your Word that I am now saved. Thank you Jesus for saving me from my sins. In Jesus Name, amen.’
Congratulations! You are now born again and a child of God. I encourage you to fill out the form below, it takes less than a minute. This will enable us to provide you with much-needed guidance so that you can be all that God wants you to be. Once again, accept my congratulations!
Yvonne – Relationships Editor
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