Amanda,Mr Perfect Versus Mr. Horrid2.
Tags: America, God, money, Nurse, Work Categories: Relationships
Growing up in a financially comfortable family, Amanda had easy access to the good things of life. She went to the best schools and traveled abroad effortlessly.
A good Christian, hard working, beautiful and well into her late twenties/ early thirties, she longed to settle into matrimony.
Chidi and Emeka showed up about the same time and both earnestly sought her hand in marriage. How she wished only one came, it would have made everything easier. After a while, she decided Emeka seemed ordinary, uninteresting enough whereas Chidi said the right words, did the right things and never liked to be apart from her. He was the perfect man, showering her with such love, attention and affection and he was so handsome too. She soon diverted all her attentions to him and fell hopelessly in love with ‘Chidi, her Mr. Perfect’.
Arriving home from a dinner date one evening with Chidi, she sang his good qualities to her slightly older brother who was not convinced that Chidi was the right one for her.
According to him “Chidi was too smooth, like a play boy, please take your time to know this man, I do not want to see you get hurt my dear. I know, I am a man,” He says to her.
Amanda and her older brother, Ikem were close, he was sort of like her best friend, he knew her better than anyone else did and although he could not place it, he just got that feeling that Chidi was not to be trusted.
Ignoring these admonishments and some others from Ikem, head over heels in love Amanda shed tears of joy when Chidi proposed several weeks later and was all too happy to show off her engagement ring to all.
Reluctantly, Ikem accepted his sister’s choice over his better judgment and forced himself to be happy for her when the couple eventually wed.
The wedding was everything Amanda prayed for and soon, they jetted out of Nigeria for their honeymoon. Amanda and her new husband had agreed to live in America and raise their family after the wedding.
Whilst in Nigeria, Chidi had told Amanda he was a businessman, into buying and selling of anything he could find. They had then agreed that since she had a good job in America he would leave everything he had in Nigeria and relocate with her, seeking new business contacts whilst Amanda pays the bills until he settles in financially.
With her good credit, insurances and with some help from her family, their new family would be fine until he can afford to stand on his own two feet and take care of his family.
Out of love, Amanda happily consents, thus, their married life in America began.
Things ran smoothly until the babies started arriving. Chidi had by now left all the bills from gas to heat, mortgage repayment, everything! to Amanda to pay, contributing nothing.
She buys all the groceries, shops for all his clothes as well as gives him pocket money for his personal needs. Amanda did not seem to mind until he began to rudely demand all bills paid and all his needs met by her and failure to meet up with his demands meant coldness, harshness and pain.
She could not understand Chidi’s irrational behavior yet she kept on at it to keep the peace in her marriage. She took on more work shifts (extra work time) to increase the money she already received
She struggled to be a mum to their four children little time she had with no help from Chidi. Sleep deprived, withdrawn and constantly fatigued, Amanda was a shadow of herself.
News soon reached her that her husband had taken on a mistress. Upon investigations, she found it to be true and was devastated by it.
Upon confronting him, Chidi told her whilst seeking a better life for himself, he had married her . Her family’s pedigree and the decent money she gets paid as a nurse in America was the attracting force for him. He had proposed when he realized she was in a hurry to marry, therefore, he had taken advantage of her vulnerability.
Crying into her pillow that night, Amanda felt lost. She was a good Christian girl who had so much dreams, this marriage had sapped her youth, her joy, her dreams as well as her energy. This was not what she prayed for; this was not what she foresaw when they exchanged their wedding vows.
Not saying a word to her family or anyone and trying to console herself, Amanda purchases the car of her dream. All these years, she had denied herself, instead preferring to satisfy her family, it was time for her to do something for her.
Chidi was furious when he found out about the new jeep she bought. Days before, he had asked Amanda for some money for his needs, she had denied him, in annoyance, he had blurted his true reason for marrying her to hurt her, now, here she is, buying a new car only days later.
Chidi made the house hellish for Amanda with constant screaming of insults at her. Threatening to divorce her and take half of her money in the bank as well as valuable assets.
Amanda ran to her family when he threatened to take their kids away from her.
With help from her family, they got the police involved who succeed in removing Chidi from their matrimonial home, ordering him to stay away from Amanda or go to jail.
When the police came, Chidi had angrily shouted that she was the biggest mistake he made and he had options to marry more successful African American nurses and never have to work in his entire life. He did not need her and her money. He was glad to go.
Yvonne says: Not everything is really as it seems and change is a constant in life. It is okay to support one’s husband whilst things are not financially fine for him, however it is totally wrong for a man to fully step aside whilst his wife pays all the bills. There is therefore need to pray carefully before you marry .
God is all knowing, He is the beginning and the end, you should trust Him to help you make the best decision in the choice of a life partner. To show you who means well for you, who has the best intentions and designs for you.
I have witnessed as well as heard true-life tales of good Christian, young, bright, beautiful, Anointed young ladies who married and lost their directions in life.
You need to marry someone who loves and fears God, this will help curb excesses and help him treat you right. You also must love and fear God to curb your own excesses and submit to your own husband.
I remember about a year ago, a dear friend of mine looked sorrowfully at me and said “Yvonne, I wish I did not marry when I did. I love my kids, they are my life, however, I would give everything to return to when I was single”.
At another time, she had called me out of the blues to say “Yvonne, if you do not come to my house right now, you will no longer find me here… I am all packed; I am leaving this marriage today”
I left everything, all the while praying as I hurried to see her. That was three years ago.
Her husband had contacted me to help resolve disputes between them numbers of times. I had apologized to her husband on her behalf for the peace of her home whilst apologizing to her on her husband’s behalf.
She was frustrated, she had cried, I had stepped in the middle to keep her husband from physically assaulting her once. Too many times, I had lain side by side with my dear friend as she narrated experiences that touched my soul and made me cry, sometimes, I dared not cry because I had to comfort her and encourage her in The Lord.
I often wondered what went wrong. They were perfect for each other at the beginning. Very head over heels in love, inseparable, how did their love and many others turn so sour they hurt and crush each other; some flee from their matrimonial homes without a trace, leaving their kids behind or taking them along, others separate and divorce. Thankfully, God has held this family together and they are pressing forward.
I have also witnessed two unlikely, wrongly suited for each other with nothing in common couple whose relationship/ courtship was frowned upon, kicked against, yet, God’s hand perfected their union and they are happily married, good teammates and are a templates for others on how a good well-balanced Christian marriage should be.
With all said and done, call me old fashioned, however, you cannot remove the place of God and expect your marriage to work.
It takes two God fearing partners who are willing to make sacrifices for the peace and good health of their home, to make love and marriage work.
Marriage is two considerate people who also forgive each other. It is not about bettering your lot in life, nor about ego, nor competitions.
Please, all may seem seemingly okay and great; all may even seem rocky and destined to fail, however keep praying and trusting God for the man who will do you good for all the years you both shall live. You must not also believe that every man is bad, that every marriage will fail. There are so many good and happy homes, trust that God will cause your home to be joyful and healthy. Your home will succeed in Jesus name, every storm hear the word of God and be still in Jesus name. The peace of God is settling upon you and your home in Jesus name.